not about me

My missionary map is my pride and joy. 
There are 124 incredible people on this map.
Some are home, some have yet to leave, but each one of them is an amazing example to me.
I cannot wait to join this army of missionaries to share this beautiful gospel with others!

Which brings us to exciting news:

MY PAPERS ARE "READY FOR ASSIGNMENT"!!!

One of the perks of having your dad as your home bishop: calling him up whenever you want to know your mission papers status.

I was in Salt Lake City literally half a block away from the building where they make the assignments. Like, I could have walked over there where my papers are right now.
Absolutely incredible to think about.

So that fun announcement means I've spent a few minutes today considering creating a missionary blog.
And basically haven't been able to sit still all day long.
Fun stuff around here.
But that blog won't go live until I, you know, actually have my call.

While I anxiously await for my call to be assigned, I bide my time reading talks and devotionals about missionary work and stalking missionary blogs [see my sidebar].

In my searches today, I came across this quote that I just love. At the press conference following the announcement made by President Monson about the new missionary age requirements, Elder Holland said this:

"God is hastening His work and He needs more and more willing and worthy missionaries to spread the light and the truth and the hope and the salvation of the gospel of Jesus Christ to an often dark and fearful world... 

This isn't about you. 

It is about the sweet and pure message you are being asked to bear."

In all of the excitement of waiting for a call, of preparing to go out into the field, of all the questions of how it will actually be on the mission, or what will happen back at home while you're gone, or just not being able to sit still until you get out there, etc.
There is one thing that we all need to remember: This is NOT about me.

My decision to serve a mission is not about me.
This is about my Savior.
This is about the beautiful truths of this gospel.
This is about the fact that I know this is the true Church on the earth today.
This is about bringing my brothers and sisters back to Christ.
This is about serving my Heavenly Father who gives me so much every single day.
This is about wanting to help others find the peace and joy I have felt because of the love of my Savior.

This is not about me. It never was, and it never will be.
There's a quote that says something along the lines of "If the Church wasn't true, nineteen-year-old boys would have ruined it a long time ago."
This is the Lord's work. We are simply instruments in His hands. We always will be.
And He will not let us fail in this endeavor.
This is about bringing our eternal family back to our Heavenly Father's loving arms.

I could not be more excited, nor could I feel more blessed, to be a part of this incredible work.

My challenge to you all: 

write a missionary this week!

They need the love, the encouragement, and the letter in the mailbox. 

#gomissionaries

feeling sentimental

My littlest sister turned sixteen earlier this week.
Where did the time go?
I miss those days when we could just run around in the backyard with the only problem being the limitation of our imaginations.

back when I was the tallest. and we were all totally adorable.

I get in these sentimental moods every now and then.
Usually it comes from some sort of traumatic experience.
But I think this time it's mostly been from religion classes, talks I have been reading, some reflection, and this general time of year.

My activities when I'm in said moods include:
     listening to some classic songs with those lyrics that actually make you think. like this.
     going through some old family pictures. see above.
     taking a few more minutes to just look at the mountains. I really love mountains.
     writing in my journal for a while.
     maybe even doing a blog post. which is kind of a journal.

I have such incredible friends here in Provo.
They are amazing examples to me.
Almost forty of my closest friends have received their mission calls over the past three months or so. I know several more who have submitted papers and are anxiously waiting for their calls to arrive.
These girls are like sisters to me. Their faith, their diligence, their willingness to obey and to serve astounds and inspires me to improve each and every day.

The boys who are on their missions [and who are about to head out] are just as incredible.
I could not have asked for better people in my life.

I have amazing family members that I have been blessed to be with for eternity.
Parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents.
They are some of my best friends. They continually teach me and support me.

There is nothing particularly special about today.
But the fact that I have today is special for me.

To all of you who have been with me since the beginning.
To those who have come into my life a little more recently.
And to you who will bless me sometime down the road.

Thank you.

You have made each minute of this journey wonderful.

I can't wait to see what adventures lie ahead.

Keep smiling. 

Life is a beautiful thing.

And that smile of yours is going to bless someone else today.

In other words: 
I just wanted to say thanks to you all, ok? Because you're awesome and deserve to be recognized for that awesome-ness. So forgive the sappy post and just take it for what it's worth.
Love you all.

absolute truth

On Sunday, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf came to the Marriott Center to give a CES Fireside. 

It was amazing. I absolutely love that man.

I went right after church to stand in line outside the Marriott until the doors opened.
Which means I was out in the cold for about an hour and a half. I froze myself stiff.
But it was completely worth it.
I saved seats for some of my friends, and we all listened to President Uchtdorf together. It was wonderful.

Some key points that stood out from his address: you can watch it here

• Truth can only be found through one's efforts and through divine inspiration.
• Absolute truth exists far beyond simple belief; the truth will forever be true, even if no one believes it.
• We don't just have the opportunity, but the obligation to personally discover the truth.
• Just because we have the gospel, that doesn't mean we know everything. The Church was restored because a young man asked a question.
• Coming to know the truth brings greater tolerance, patience, and humility, as well as a far greater capacity to accept our Heavenly Father's will for us.

There are lots of things I don't know, like how fast an ice cube melts or what tomorrow's sunrise will bring.  I don't know why hard things happen to righteous people. I don't know what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life. I don't know why I am here at this very moment.

Despite not knowing those things, there are a few truths that I know without a doubt:

My Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ, love me.
I know that Christ is the way, the truth, and the life. As I put my hand in His, He will guide me back home.
I know that my Redeemer lives!
I know that no matter how badly I mess up or how much pain I am feeling, my Savior understands each and every emotion that I feel. Christ died for me, personally, and He wants to help me return to my Heavenly Father.
With the help of the Lord, I can conquer anything.

And that is one of the greatest, most comforting truths I know.

One day, all of my questions will be answered. I might even know just how long it takes that silly little ice cube to melt. But for now, I am so grateful for the testimony and knowledge that I do have.

year in review: 2012

The year the world was supposed to end.

And we all survived.

Congratulations!

This year was full of laughter, memories, and great friends.

There were also a few rough patches. But nothing too terrible.

I even made it through a whole year with only one hospitalization. 

fyi that's the first time that's happened since 2003. pretty exciting.

~Highlights of 2012~

I turned nineteen years old.

I finished my freshman year of college. Where has the time gone?

I completed reading the Book of Mormon.

I drove [with my parents] from Provo back home to Chicago.

I moved into my first apartment, then my second, and finally my third. 

fyi I have now moved all of my belongings eight times in a 15-month period. who does that?!

I spent several days in one of the most beautiful places on the planet: Oregon.

I became a college sophomore.

I became best friends with people I never imagined would become so important to me.

I listened as President Monson announced the new missionary ages: 18 for boys, 19 for girls. 

I watched as several of my closest friends opened their mission calls to places around the world.

I surprised my brother by coming home for Thanksgiving.

I enjoyed a memorable Christmas vacation at home full of laughter and good times.

And there are other little things:

I still loved the mountains, went to the temple, reconstructed the blog, made new friends, discovered new country music, reflected on life, and continuously attempted to figure out adult life. 

"Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book.

Write a good one." 

Brad Paisley

Bring it on 2013.

happy heart day

[day twenty-six]

my heart

If you're reading this blog, you probably know by now that I have had a heart transplant.

Three, actually.

Today marks five years since my third heart transplant.

To celebrate, I went grocery shopping with Hayley and John, watched a movie, and talked to a few friends. I spent most of the day in an introspective mood, looking at some old blog posts, studying my scriptures, and reading my journal a bit.

I cannot fully express my gratitude to the donor family. I would not be here today if it weren't for their gift of a brand new heart. I am so grateful for the life I have been able to live because of this selfless gift. I hope to someday meet these people and their families so I can attempt to express my love and gratitude for them. 

Given the fact that I was way more adorable after my first heart transplant, enjoy this picture. It's one of my favorites; I'm 18 months old.

For all the horrifying photographs documenting the awkward stages of my life [aka after the third transplant], please click here. 

Thank you to every single one of you as well. I know that it is also because of your faith, prayers, and fasting that I am here today. I am so grateful for the support each of you have given me over the past nineteen years of my life.

And now for one little request:

Find out if you're an organ donor. If you're not, find out why. Some basic Google searches will show you plenty of research and fact sheets about being an organ donor. 

Become an organ donor if you can. 

You can even show it on your Facebook timeline:

You could end up saving someone's life.

Like mine.

I am so grateful for the modern miracles of medicine. I am grateful to have a body that functions [for the most part] normally. 

But most of all, I am thankful for the beating of my heart throughout each minute of every day.

It's a wonderful feeling.

happy sunday

Christ's Atonement

Recently I have been reading "The Infinite Atonement" by Elder Tad R. Callister. It has been an eye-opening experience as I have more fully studied the atoning sacrifice of my Savior.

I know Jesus Christ not only atoned for my sins, but he suffered each pain, sickness, and emotion that I will ever experience. He knows exactly what I am going through. My knowledge of that simple fact has carried me through countless trials. Because I know my Savior was willing to endure so much pain simply for my sake, I know without a doubt that He truly loves me. Even with all my mistakes and imperfections, Christ and my Heavenly Father love me enough to have provided a way for me to return to live with them someday. Words cannot fully express my gratitude to my Savior for sacrificing so much, even His own life, for me.

I just wanted to share a few quotes from the book that I absolutely love:

• President Gordon B. Hinckley: "When all is said and done, when all of history is examined, when the deepest depths of the human mind have been explored, there is nothing so wonderful, so majestic, so tremendous as this act of grace."

• President Howard W. Hunter: "As we come to understand [Christ's] mission and the atonement which He wrought, we will desire to live more like Him."

• "The atoning sacrifice was designed to motivate us, to draw us unto him, to lift us to higher ground, and ultimately to assist us in becoming as he is."

• C.S. Lewis: "[Christ] has infinite attention to spare for each one of us. He does not have to deal with us in the mass. You are as much alone with Him as if you were the only being He had ever created. When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you had been the only man in the world."

• "One does not speak lightly of the Atonement or casually express his appreciation. It is the most sacred and sublime event in eternity. It deserves our most intense thoughts, our most profound feelings, and our noblest deeds. One speaks of it in reverential tones;  one contemplates it in awe; one learns of it in solemnity. This even stands alone, now and throughout eternity."

Though I cannot fully comprehend how or why, I am so grateful to Christ for what He suffered in the garden at Gethsemane. I know He loves me, and I know that He understands exactly what I am facing. I am grateful that He was willing to make up the difference in my imperfections to allow me to return to live with my Heavenly Father someday.

My favorite painting depicting Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane: "Oh My Father" by Simon Dewey

In other news, here's what we've been up to this Sunday evening:

Hayley: researching delicious meals via Pinterest while studying Spanish
John: writing a letter
me: just finished refilling meds and about to do another blog post
All while we enjoy some freshly baked cookies.

Have a lovely week! Go jump in a pile of snow or leaves or whatever you have. Just enjoy this happy time of the year outside for a bit.

And [as always] remember to smile!

the protecting friend

My dear friends Chloe and Kara invited me to go to the temple with them early yesterday morning.
It was absolutely perfect.

The sunrise was beautiful. The mountains seem to be on fire as fall comes sweeping in. The flowers up by the temple entrance are vibrant and cheerful. The morning was chilly which meant I finally got to wear one of my cozy sweaters. I love spending time in the temple. I love listening to the organ, reading a few scriptures, and pondering on those things that are on my mind. The quiet peace was exactly what I needed.

Later that day, I met up with Brooke to visit the Beauty and Belief exhibit in the Museum of Art here at BYU. this exhibit is absolutely incredible. it leaves next week so if you're in the area, just take an hour or so to go explore.

Islamic language attributes ninety-nine names to their God, or Allah. In my favorite part of the exhibit, there is a wall with screens flashing the various names and the beautiful calligraphy of the language.
Some of the names that caught my eye: Inspirer of Faith, Source of Peace, Preventer of Harm, Rewarder of Thankfulness, Guide to Repentance, Responder to Prayer

my personal favorite: The Protecting Friend

how beautifully perfect is that?

"Be Not Afraid" by Greg Olsen

I cannot count the times when I have literally felt as though my Savior had taken my hand and hugged me tight in times of trials. In the past year or so since coming out to college, I have developed some of the closest friendships I have ever had. I truly love these people; I cannot even begin to fathom just how great love our Heavenly Father feels for each of them. With all the turmoil in the world right now, and even just in our immediate lives, I find such great comfort in the knowledge of Christ's love for me. I know that He knows exactly what I have been, and will, go through. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me personally and He will take care of me. And that is all that really matters.

Those are my thoughts for now. Among others. There's just something about taking the time to ponder, to look around at the world around you, to discover new appreciations for other people and cultures, to spend time with great friends that just seems to lift the huge pressures away for a short while. Despite everything that seemed to go wrong yesterday, life was just beautiful and nothing could wipe that smile off my face.

My heart is full of gratitude on this lovely day. To close, here's a short Arabic saying that I just love.

God is beautiful and loves beauty.

season of farewells

One of the best parts about being in Provo during summer is how many farewells I am able to attend. The guys I met in my freshman ward, in my classes, and just randomly on campus are some of the most incredible people I know. And to see them get ready to go and serve a mission is just amazing. I am so excited for each and every one of them! They are going to change people's lives as much as they have changed mine.

Nick is heading to Chile Santiago North. His parents just returned from being mission presidents, so they gave a homecoming talk, and Nick gave his farewell. It was an awesome meeting! There was a beautiful musical number of "Consider the Lilies" (one of my favorite songs) with piano, cello, and viola. Absolutely gorgeous.
One thing all three of these speakers brought up was "la estándar de excelencia," or standard of excellence. Each companionship was expected to attain certain levels of excellence each week, such as bringing at least five investigators to church each week. Hearing the three speakers bring this up continually made me wonder. Am I living up to my own standard of excellence? What is my standard of excellence?

Mike is going to Chile Viña del Mar. He gave an excellent talk about faith. One of the great things about this church is that no matter how many times you learn about a certain topic, there is always more to discover. One quote shared during the meeting really stuck out to me: "All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen." Ralph Waldo Emerson We live in a beautiful world that Heavenly Father created just for us. Seeing the mountains every time I walk out the door is just a simple reminder to me that my Heavenly Father is watching over me.
After the farewell, we went over to Mike's house to talk and enjoy some food. I love the friends I made during freshman year. I always have such a great time just talking with them, and I am so blessed to know them all.

Angela, Mike, Jeff, Mike (who gave the farewell), Brooke, Alec, Skyler, and me

I know this Church is true. I know my Savior loves me. I know the Book of Mormon is true and brings power into your life when you read it diligently. I know our Heavenly Father wants to bless us and does when we do what He asks of us. I once heard the phrase "If the Church wasn't true, a bunch of 19-year-old boys would have ruined it a long time ago." I know that the missionary program our Church has is inspired, and I know these amazing guys are going to become even better because of their experiences. I am so excited for each and every one of them, and I hope that I am able to share my love for this gospel with others.

Going into this week, think of one thing you can do better and DO IT. Set your own standard of excellence and hold yourself to it. I will be doing the same.

I love this song. "Come See the Light" sung by Freddie Ashby. The video and music put together is so powerful. I absolutely love it, and I'm sure you will as well.

Have a fantastic week everyone!

Reflections

So the whole reconstruction thing didn't work out... of course, I did it just before finals. Not the brightest move on my part.
Freshman year. Quite possibly the greatest year of my life. I made the most incredible friends and have such fun, memories. My freshman ward was awesome!! I am going through some serious withdrawals not seeing these people every single day. Honestly, I can't adequately describe in words just how wonderful and amazing this year was. Almost a month later, here are a few of the random thoughts and lessons of freshman year running through my head.

Stover Sisters forever. Dorm life is awesome.

High school is NOT the best four years of your life. If that was great, just wait for college.

Just from freshman year, I met over 40 of the greatest guys who have their mission calls or are already in the field. And that number continues to grow each week.

Quit procrastinating.

Cooking for yourself is overrated. Enjoy the Cannon Center while you have it.

Set small goals to accomplish every day. Then reward yourself (but not with food. you're not a dog).

I absolutely love having a temple within walking distance! 

Being able to go each week was such a wonderful blessing.

Call home often.

I have awesome friends. Spending time with them is even moreso.

College is a whole lot harder than high school. Study. A lot.

Sleep is wonderful.

Having a car was a wonderful blessing! I miss the Rav a lot... but walking isn't terrible. Thank you so much for allowing me to use it this past school year!

Finding a balance between sleep, studying, and social life is quite difficult.

I can't wait for August to come. 3 more months until I see my best friends again!

It's hard to choose only a few pictures from the year. Here's a fantastic slideshow of our incredible freshman ward if you really want to watch it. There are so many fun times and great memories. What an amazing year!

I don't know how many of you read this, but Provo 119th Ward - you changed my life. Thank you for your examples, your love for me, your craziness, your willingness to include me, and just your overall awesomeness! Boys, you are going to be incredible missionaries!! See (most of) you in two years! Girls, I honestly cannot wait for August to get here. I love you all!

Thank you for the greatest year I could have asked for! I wouldn't trade this freshman year for anything. Life is wonderful.

Days 2, 3, and 4

Ok so I haven't done as great for my goals. And there really isn't a great excuse for that except for the fact that I am getting sick. Don't panic - I'm not seriously sick, just a normal cold. I won't go into specifics of what I haven't done because that's depressing.

Instead, I'll focus on what I have done: I have been doing homework, I have been studying for some upcoming exams, I have researched housing, and I've been going to classes and figuring out the next few months of my life.

So besides a couple extra naps, it's been a fairly productive past few days.

Some highlights:

• having a nice BYU guy scrape the ice off the windshield of the car before driving up to class
• taking a friend to the Student Health Center and then to the ER. She just has a nasty case of the flu. She'll be fine, thank goodness!
• I mailed in paperwork for a textbook reimbursement program. One of the benefits of having cancer.
• eating for the first time at the Blue Line deli in the Tanner Building. Angela, her friend Will, Austin, and I all met there for dinner after my personal finance class. I do believe that will become my dinner place for Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Angela, Will, me, and Austin after the Blue Line.
Will broke his leg a few days ago, hence the scooter.

• watching Angela make moccasins out of paper bags for her Visual Arts for Elementary Education (or something like that) class. yes, it is as entertaining as it sounds. check her blog for pictures on that.
• cleaning the room for cleaning checks. I am so thankful to have a clean roommate and to have had parents (Mom) who taught me to be organized and tidy. It definitely makes getting ready for cleaning checks a whole lot easier.
• ward prayer!! we actually had spotlights tonight, and a friend came to show us all how amazing he is with a whip. (yes, a whip. He's from a ranch in Florida.)
• finding out who my new team-teacher for Gospel Doctrine will be...
• talking with friends. eating with friends. driving with friends. lots and lots of time with friends.

And now, because I feel bad this post isn't media-rich with photos or videos, please enjoy this song that is currently my most-played song on iTunes.

Scotty McCreery - The Trouble With Girls

On another note, I was going through some old blog posts to look for some inspiration for my Book of Mormon insight paper. I came across this old post about chemo. I am so thankful to be done with that, even if it is only for a short while. It's nice to review those past events as a reminder that, with the Lord's help, I can get through these exams, classes, choosing housing, and other hard decisions that are fast approaching as I grow up.

Coming soon: 

apartment hunting, apartment contracts signed, grandparents visiting, and more studying.

Looking forward to the weekend!

Reflections of Christ

I wasn't really planning on sharing this tonight. In fact I wasn't even going to write about it until Sunday. But I can't get it off my mind right now so I figure I'd better share it all now before I forget. 

Last Sunday, this girl, my dear friend Brooke, taught our Relief Society lesson on one of my favorite topics: Christ. During the lesson, we each received the letter below. As Brooke read it aloud to us, tears were shed as the power of our Savior's love for each of us as individual daughters of God touched our hearts.

Dear Lauren,

How are you? I just had to send you this letter to tell you how much I love you and care about you. I saw you yesterday as you were walking with your friends. I waited all day, hoping you should walk and talk with me also. As evening drew near, I gave you a sunset to close your day and a cool breeze to rest you. Then, I waited, but you never came. Oh yes, it hurt me, but I still love you because I am your friend.

I saw you fall asleep last night and I longed to touch your brow, so I spilt moonlight upon your pillow and your face. Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you.

You awakened late this morning and rushed off for the day. My tears were in the rain. Today you looked so sad, so alone. It makes my heart ache because I understand. My friends let me down and hurt me many times too, but I love you. I try to tell you in the quiet green grass. I whisper it in the leaves and trees and breathe it in the color of the flowers. I shout it to you in the mountain streams and give the birds love songs to sing. I clothe you with warm sunshine and perfume the air. My love for you is deeper than the oceans and bigger than the biggest want or need you could ever have.

We will spend eternity together in heaven. I know how hard it is on earth. I really know, because I was there, and I want to help you. My Father wants to help you too. He's that way, you know. Just call on me, ask me, and talk to me, It is your decision... I have chosen you and because of this I will wait... Because I love you.

Your friend and Elder Brother,
Jesus

This is one of my favorite videos. The "Reflections of Christ" project depicts our Savior's life through various portraits and photos. The slideshow is set to one of my favorite hymns, "Come Thou Fount." Please take a few minutes to watch the video. I promise it's worth it.

I am so thankful for inspired teachers, no matter their age or status in life. I need that little spiritual boost every once in a while. It was a wonderful reminder about who I am striving to live like, who I want to return to someday, and all that He did for me. I am so thankful for everything I have been through, for each trial has brought me closer to my Heavenly Father and Christ. I hope to be able to communicate that love to all that I meet throughout my life. I am doing well, but I can be better. 

I am so grateful to call Him my brother, my Savior, and my friend. He is the reason life is so good. And because of Him, we can make our lives even more incredible.

Mountains

There's just something about those gigantic landforms sticking up out of the earth. They're incredible, majestic, beautiful, and at this time of year they are on FIRE! I LOVE IT!!!

Saturday was my canyon day. After an early-morning blood draw, I drove up into Provo Canyon and stopped at Canyon Glen Park. Stood on the bridge for a few minutes and just listened. And remembered when I used to do this with my family when we still lived in West Jordan. I have really missed this time of year in the mountains!!!! It's so picturesque, and just taking the time to sit (well, stand) still, listen to the rushing water and the sound of the wind through the trees and the rustle of the crisp leaves on the ground...it truly is an incredible experience. You feel so close to nature and more fully appreciate the beauty and grandeur of this world that we live in.

Later (waaay later) we had a birthday bonfire for one of my friends at the same place. Which was so much fun!!!! I love my BYU ward (see picture below) :) The canyon looked different in the dark - you couldn't see the fiery leaves and the tree-covered mountains - but the rush of the water was still there and standing on that bridge you could see the stars. I mean REALLY see the stars. I haven't seen stars that bright in forever!! It was kind of fun to find those constellations that I learned about in astronomy last semester (which reminds me, I should dig out those notes and review). I love looking up into the night sky, at all the mysteries it holds. Once again, you feel the wonder of this world and overwhelming gratitude for such a beautiful place.

The mountains are really a special place. You can remove yourself from the world, take time to slow down and listen, and feel near to the Spirit. I know there are hundreds of analogies with mountains, but they really are true. I love the Lonestar song (I'm a country music geek) "Mountains." The chorus says, "The good Lord gave us mountains so we could learn how to climb." It's SO true. And once you get to the top and see the view...wow. Everything it took to get there is completely worth it.

I'm going again. Very soon. I'm going to crunch through leaves and throw rocks in the river like I'm six again. I love every minute of it.

PS I will be taking pictures of the colorful mountains tomorrow. Simply didn't have time today but wanted to share this for sure!!